Crazy Love

What I'm reading right now: Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

I was challenged to read this book, when the person recommending it said that I might not like it because it's pretty intense. That's all I needed to hear. I went and got a copy and read the first chapter last night. It's good. Really good. I have a feeling this won't be an easy read. It will take a lot of stopping to examine myself, my motives and my view of God. I'm excited to be challenged.

"We don't get to decide who God is (page 31)." (In Exodus 3:14 God tells Moses, 'I am who I am.') This hit me hard. I have never been a supporter of the thought that God wears different hats and is different things to different people. God "already has a name, an identity (page 31)." I can tell you though, that I am guilty of making God who I want Him to be at any given time. I was convicted of how my view of God is so incredibly limited. Needless to say, I am questioning my view of who God is and praying for a biblical, true and more clear view of His character.

"Can you worship a God who isn't obligated to explain His actions to you? Could it be your arrogance that makes you think that God owes you an explanation?" Ouch. Colossians 1:16 says that all of creation was created by God and for God. How often do we live (and pray and act...) as though He was created for us?

I have a feeling that reading this book will be the beginning of a rewarding and painful journey.

Am I crazy?

Some nights are easier than others to bounce out of bed at 2 a.m. to get Zi when he's crying. He has gotten much better at sleeping and actually slept for a couple 7 hour stretches over the past week or so. That extra rest makes a huge difference - sleepy moms just aren't as fun.

Last night he started making noises that I knew would soon escalate. I hopped out of bed, threw on my robe, made a quick bottle and went in to snuggle. I love it. I love sleepy baby face and the little noises that he makes. He finished off his bottle, then shot his eyes open and arched his back. That's not how it's supposed to happen. He is supposed to blissfully drift back to sleep as the bottle empties. Not last night. Right as I started to get frustrated and think about how my alarm clock was set for 5:10 a.m. he spit out his paci, smiled huge and started talking to me. He reached up his little fat fingers and touched my face, then stretched both of his arms as high as he could reach and waved a few times. My heart melted. I realized that I don't have many more middle of the night snuggle opportunities with him. I'll catch up on all the missed sleep when the kids go to college.

Seasons of life...

Growing up in Indiana, I have learned to appreciate the seasons. Each season is quite drastic from the previous and it seems like the best ones are never long enough. I think that the transition into new seasons is my favorite part of living in a place where the weather is always changing. I love the first snowfall in winter, the first signs of new life in spring, the sun rising earlier in summer and the start of hoodie weather in the fall.

I also love the analogy that life happens in seasons. We have gone through many seasonal changes recently as a family, and I believe we are on the verge of another season of life. While I love the anticipation and adventure of the change, I have been feeling like this in between stage is more similar to the end of winter (mud colored, melting snow/eternal month of February). I am ready. Ready for a new season, renewed purpose and direction in following the Lord and chance to further His Kingdom. I just have to keep reminding myself that although we may not know where we will be in the next 3 months, God does. He is soverign and faithful.

I was gently reminded recently to enjoy the season that I am in. This concept really hit home for me (Thanks, Renee). It is so easy to idolize the future and to worry about what is next. How am I enjoying the season of life that I am in today? Am I making the most of every single day with Zi (who is growing up quicker than I like to admit)? I could cry thinking that he will be thirteen soon and won't want to snuggle with me anymore. Am I enjoying the blessing of our house and privacy, not knowing if we will be there much longer? Am I really thankful that I have a wonderful husband who is an amazing dad, willing to stay home and spend time with the baby? It's easy for me to think of all the things that I would love to change in this season, but not so easy to focus on how to make the most of what I have been given to work with right now, in the moment. Ultimately, I should be asking myself, "Am I glorifying God in this season?" It's not about me.

I am thankful for the season of life that I am in, and oh-so-ready for the next, but it's not about me. God, bring glory to your name regardless of the season.

Morning thoughts

"It was Paul's delight to spend his life for God's interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. But before we will serve, we stop to ponder our personal and financial concerns - 'What if God wants me to go over there? And what about my salary? What is the climate like there? Who will take care of me? A person must consider these things.' All of that is an indication that we have reservations about serving God." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (February 25)

I read that this morning and had to stop and think. When I'm given an opportunity, how often do I stop and consider all of the "What if's..." before giving of myself - and even when I do finally give myself to whatever cause it might be, how often am I reserved in my giving? I do not want to have reservations about serving God. It's a constant inward struggle to make excuses for the questions that come up. I want to be about God's interests in the people around me, regardless of the cost.

Living simply, week 2.

So last week's meals went really well. It was nice to know what we were going to have every night. This week I was able to get all of the stuff for our meals for under $20 (I already had some stuff at home).
This week's menu is:

* Chicken/bean burritos (frozen ones from Trader Joe's) and rice
* Stromboli (I'm making the crust in the breadmaker)...thanks for the idea, Jess!
* Chicken tortilla soup

* Carribbean Jerk pork chops

* Potato soup

Living Simply.

Nate and I have had lots of conversations lately about living simply. In some aspects I feel like we do a pretty good job - almost all of our clothes and furniture are second-hand. We don't buy a lot of stuff that we don't "need".
The part that I haven't been really good at is grocery shopping and meal planning. I finally got tired of waiting until 5 or 6 every night, then doing the typical: "What are we going to do for dinner?" "I don't know...what sounds good?"
I have decided to start being intentional about meals in our house. Healthy and cheap. Those are my two goals. My goal each week is to grocery shop for the next week of meals, trying not to go over $20. At least once a week I would like to make something that I can have extra of to freeze and use at a later date. I plan to shop mostly at Aldi (thanks for the coaching, Kel!).
This week I went over budget in order to get some larger quantities of staples (potatoes, onions, hamburger) but they are definitely things I will use every week.
Here's the grocery list -
* Potatoes (10 lb)
* Onions (bag of 8)
* Carrots
* Tomatos for chili and lazagna
* Cottage cheese
* Chicken broth
* Egg noodles
* Hamburger for chili and lazagna (I ended up getting 5 lb and will freeze what I don't use)
Total: $21.92
* 2 little whole chickens for soup and crockpot
---I had to get these from Meijer becuase I wasn't sure about using the frozen one's from Aldi.
Total: $7.63
GRAND TOTAL (drumroll please...): $29.55 (which averages out to$2.96 per person per meal)

And here's the menu for the week:

Monday - Homemade Chili
Tuesday - Chicken (+carrots, potatoes, onions) in the crockpot
Wednesday - Homemade Lazagna
Thursday - Chicken noodle soup (with veggies in it)
Friday - Spaghetti

I plan to freeze a small lazagna and whatever chicken noodle soup we have left.

So there it is...We'll see how creative I can get. Are there any great meal ideas out there? If so, please let me know!!!

Our birth story...

I've been meaning to write this down for a while...It's the story of my labor and birth of our first son. We had a homebirth and LOVED it. OK, here it goes:

It was two days before my due date and I woke up extra early at 5:30, ready to start the day (this is very unusual for me). I got up and ate some breakfast and noticed that I was having some contractions. They were different than any of the contractions that I had been having so I decided to time them. They were coming about every 8 minutes.
I finished up breakfast and told Nate that I was having contractions, but that we needed to get ready and go to work, because it was probably just false labor. On my way into work (on 465) I had a couple of really intense contractions. By the time I got to my desk, I couldn’t sit through the contractions that were averaging about 5 minutes apart. I was trying not to let on that I was in any pain. My friend told me to wait until rush hour was over, and then go home.
I stayed at work for about an hour and a half then decided to go home. I called Nate and told him that I was going home to rest, and then called our midwife, Penny to tell her that I was having contractions. She advised me to alternate resting and being active and said that it was a possibility that I could be in labor, but that she had a mom do that the whole day before and when her husband got home from work her contractions stopped (NOT what I wanted to hear!).
Nate came home over his lunch break to check on me. We had a TV dinner (not a good choice on my part) and tried to watch a Dick Van Dyke. My contractions were still pretty strong and frequent but I sent him back to work. I was in complete denial that I was really in labor. When I mentioned him going back to work he said, “WHAT?! Can’t I just stay home and scrub the bathroom or something?!” I told him that there was nothing he could do, that I was just going to rest. After he left I laid down, hoping to take a nap. The contractions wouldn’t allow me to rest at all. I began to think that maybe this was the real thing. I called Nate, who had just arrived back at work and told him to come home. I also called Penny to tell her that the contractions were getting worse.

I was able to keep up a good sense of humor throughout the process in between contractions. When Nate got home we tried to keep my mind off of the contractions by playing a board game. We got through one round, but halfway through the second game I couldn’t concentrate anymore on anything but laboring. We live out in the country so we decided to take a walk around our long driveway. I wasn’t able to do that for very long, but it was nice to be outside in the fresh, October air. We got the mail and I had received my birthday letter from Mr. Stroup (a Bible teacher that I had in middle school). It was a nice distraction from the contractions!
Penny and her assistant, Dana arrived around 4:00 p.m. and checked my vitals and got the baby’s heart rate. She began setting up her equipment and that’s when it hit me that I was really in labor. It was really happening. Sometimes I can’t believe that I was in denial for that long – almost 12 hours. Shortly after Penny arrived, I ended up throwing up my lunch and will never again eat one of those TV dinners again as long as I live.
I decided to get into the birthing tub. It wasn’t as big of a relief as I was expecting it to be, but it was nice because I could switch positions easily. I very quickly fell into a pain coping pattern with my leg during the contractions. When the midwife came in to check the baby’s heart rate, she said that it was a little fast. I had to get out of the tub to see if it would slow down. It slowed back down right away and she told me that I could get back into the tub. At that point I was sitting on the birthing ball and was not able to move. I waited a while then got back in. I had tried to eat a little and ended up throwing it up again. I was, however, able to keep a good amount of Gatorade and water down.
Throughout the process it was so nice to have the privacy that we had. Penny and her assistant only came in to check our vitals and to see how I was laboring. Otherwise they left us alone. It was nice to not have someone standing over me the whole time. I was able to sleep in between contractions with my chin resting on the side of the tub (I ended up with a nice size bruise on my chin the next day!). Around 11 p.m., after several hours of laboring in the tub, the midwife came in and said that if I didn’t feel like pushing in the next hour I would have to get out for her to check my dilation (that would have been my first internal exam). That’s all I needed to hear. About 15 minutes later, my body began to push. It was definitely a relief from the hard contractions that I had been having. Nate asked if he could go tell Penny what was going on. I just gave him a look that said, “Please don’t leave me.” He stayed. After about an hour of pushing Nate put his swim trunks on and got in the tub with me. I couldn't have done it without him! He was so great throughout the whole process. I'm so thankful that he was so willing to be such an active participant in the whole experience.

Penny came into the room and was coaching me through pushing. I reached down to see if I could feel his head and it was there. I let Nate feel his soft head. That was all the motivation I needed to get to the point where we could meet our little man! At 12:26 a.m. on my birthday, and the day before my due date, our 9 pound son was born into our hands. It was the most incredible and intimate experience of my life.